Fall

The Fall of Me
(Written when two books extracted tears from my heart)

My soul rampages, it makes me scream
Every time my heart mourns, I dream
At every beautiful picture, I skim
The shallows and depths of my insides

I ponder, I think, then cry
I think, I cry, then die
Die in soul, for I am hollow
Like the wood eaten by maggots

My earliest years are barren
Not rich, colorful, but sullen
All is gray, if not, black
For despair is there, I didn’t look back

My life is jaded, ice cold, and dark
I never really knew Christmas’s spark
I never felt the warmth of summer’s hark
Of joyous basking in the sunshine of light

I prayed: Sancta Maria, Mater Dei
Ora Pronobis Pecatoribus
Nunc et in Ora Mortis Nostrae
But received nothing in return

Maybe the gates in heaven were closed
In the meantime, my soul suffers throes
Of a withering life which trembled for foes
And they laughed, until I gave up

I walked, I ran, I almost tripped
I ran, I tripped, and strong rain ripped
On my slender form, as I slowly dipped
To final surrender, it hurts, it kills

Then finally, my being was consumed
By the dark path ahead which I presumed
To be the way to inevitable solitary doom
I’d be facing the tremors of my unlikely room

Then I clasp, and hold, and breathe hard
Then I hold, breathe, and sang like a bard
Singing off-key, singing unknown songs of sorrowful plight
The chant thrills my bones, and it impales me

The seat embraced me, the seat that is ice
Then I breathed the last breath, and from me rise
The new face of death, with iron hands and feet
And a black raven on my hand, cold and bitter, not sweet

In the end, it will be a continuum…
And I will never forgive!

Berated

Berated Me
(Written when I was... well... forced to...)

I’m always a thing to cry on
A pillow that’s wet with your tears
A person who’d know how you mourn
A person who knows your will
Remember when we were just three
You climbed up a small tree
You fell, and cried, and blamed me
For not watching attentively
And not noticing the creepy-crawly
That bit you by the knee.
Remember when we were four
I knocked at your huge door
And showed you jawbreakers from the store
The huge candies I laid at your floor
But you kicked them, one and one more
Telling me that they’re the only candies you abhor.
Remember when we were five
I pointed out at a fallen beehive
That’s slumped beside your garden of chive
You asked if the thing was alive
I answered, “There are bees inside”
You approached it and poked at the hive
Then a bee stung you near the eye
You said because of me, you’d go blind
I cried, you cried, we were both teary-eyed
When all I wanted was for you to see a beehive.
Remember when we were eleven
I asked you things about Heaven
You answered: “It is a religious given,
It’s the place where bad people are forbidden,
And you’re just one of them!”
My innocent heart was broken…
Why did you hate me then?
Remember when we were seventeen
I asked you if I’d be your prom king.
You refused, saying you’re already dating
And I ended up with another fling
When the clock struck twelve, you were prom queen
While me, all night I was frowning.
You danced with the elected prom king
And I was like: “Damn him!”
Remember when we were nineteen
And we were luckily graduating
Early because we were both outstanding
I congratulated you for earning
The highly honored Magna Cum Laude standing
But instead of receiving a cheerful greeting
I received a hard slap that made me wobbling
You said it was for my airy mocking
Because I graduated with a Suma Cum Laude standing
Remember when we were twenty-three
We worked at the same company
You were Finance Head, and I’m on the marketing
Which made me really really happy
I’d get to talk to you whenever we were free
But you always looked so tired of me
And one day, you retired from the company
Leaving me alone and the Finance Staff empty.
Again, yet again, you rejected me.
Now, remember when we were forty
You were finally looking at me
Though not straight in the eye, I see
That you were eyeing me wearily
Through a glass pane that hung solidly
Above my silent and cold body
Yes, honey, it is too late
To ignite yet again your unquenched hate
Because now, I’m intervened with cold fate
Cutting the life that once longed for your faith
I’m in Heaven now, I belonged here
After a long life that’s infested with AIDS
And your undying and unreasonable faculty of hate.

May I rest in peace
Rest in eternal bliss
Away from your scorn
Away from being torn…